remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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