No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
