Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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