I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
