We won't sleep together?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
