So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She told me I should be a condom model.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
