I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
