I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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