I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
