how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize