Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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