the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
