The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
