Tell her she can't have a vagina
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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