All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
