I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
