they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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