Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
