I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
