I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
