We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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