He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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