I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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