yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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