FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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