You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize