he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
