I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
