I accidentally had phone sex last night
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sobbing to NWA
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
