please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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