Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
