I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
