i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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