I must be too annoying 4 u.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
