I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
