the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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