Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Welp...herpes.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
