Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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