He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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