you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
