I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
