Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
