Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just pee around me
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
