I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
