Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
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