I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
