why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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