You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
