I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
