She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
