she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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