I didn't shave. On purpose
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
