Are we in a gay sports bar?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
