I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
