eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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