Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
