How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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