I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
