one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
