Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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