I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
