where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
