I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
