Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
