Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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