I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
