i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
