Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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